im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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