Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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