hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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