yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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