I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
