my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
