marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
