haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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