just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
