I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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