He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
