Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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