broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
