So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
