Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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