we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
