Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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