eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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