Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
