Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
