I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
