That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
