butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
