im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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