Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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