so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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