i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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