Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
