I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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