I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
