he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
