his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
