I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
