a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
