walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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