I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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