They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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