Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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