We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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