i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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