i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
