We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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