my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
