he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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