That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
