She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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