She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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