I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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