Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
