I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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