She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
