we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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