i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
