I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
